We’ve all encountered it—advice that misses the mark. Sometimes, it’s the well-meaning but vague encouragement of “Follow your passion!” Other times, it’s a more personal kind of interference: a leader or mentor, out of genuine care, ends up stifling creativity and growth. But what if that unhelpful advisor is you?

Let me share a story that illustrates how unhelpful advice, no matter how well-intentioned, can hold back even the brightest minds—and how recognizing it can lead to remarkable transformations.

The Story: A Chairman’s Dilemma

A few years ago, we were hired to build and execute the growth strategy including coaching the next generation of leaders at a mid-sized manufacturing firm. The company had great potential, but its leadership pipeline was struggling. The younger leaders, while capable, were hesitant and lacked confidence. The root of the problem became clear during our initial conversations: the company’s chairman.

He was a towering figure, both respected and feared, with decades of experience under his belt. But his style of leadership involved offering unsolicited advice—constantly. From marketing to operations, he had an opinion on everything. His advice often reflected what had worked in the past but failed to consider the changing business landscape.

For instance:

• He dismissed digital marketing initiatives, urging the team to “stick to brochures and direct mail.”

• He overrode proposals with comments like, “We’ve always done it this way; why change now?”

Though his intent was to guide, the result was the opposite: his leaders felt suffocated, unable to implement their ideas. Their frustration was palpable.

The Turning Point

During one coaching session, a young manager voiced what the entire team felt:

• “We respect him, but it feels like no decision is truly ours. It’s hard to lead when every move gets second-guessed.”

Rather than confront the chairman directly, I framed our conversation around his legacy:

• “What kind of leadership team do you want to leave behind? One that relies on your presence—or one that thrives because of the foundation you’ve built?”

The question landed. It wasn’t that the chairman didn’t trust his team; he feared letting go. His advice wasn’t about control—it was about a misplaced sense of responsibility.

How the Change Happened

1. Reflecting Through Feedback

We facilitated an anonymous feedback session where leaders shared their thoughts on his approach. It wasn’t easy for him to hear comments like:

• “We need space to grow, even if it means making mistakes.”

This wasn’t a critique of his wisdom—it was a call for trust.

2. Reframing His Role

We proposed a trial period: for one quarter, the chairman would step back from operational decisions and focus on mentoring. Instead of directing, he would ask questions and listen. For example:

• Instead of saying, “Reduce costs by cutting overtime,” he could ask, “What strategies are you considering to improve margins?”

This simple shift empowered his leaders and allowed him to gain insights into their thinking.

3. Creating a Safe Space for Innovation

We agreed on a framework where his input was welcome during reviews but not during the decision-making process. This gave the younger leaders the confidence to experiment and own their outcomes.

The Outcome

By the end of the quarter, the results were transformative:

• Leaders began implementing innovative ideas, including a digital-first marketing campaign that increased customer engagement.

• The chairman, initially skeptical, acknowledged their success:

• “I wouldn’t have thought of this myself, but you’ve proved me wrong in the best way possible.”

Far from feeling sidelined, he found joy in watching his team grow. His role evolved from a directive leader to a respected mentor—a shift that strengthened his legacy.

What Makes Advice Unhelpful?

Reflecting on this story, unhelpful advice typically stems from:

1. Overly Generic Ideas

• Example: “Follow your passion!” sounds motivating but offers no actionable steps.

• Solution: Add specifics. Instead of saying, “Network more,” suggest, “Attend this industry event to meet people in your field.”

2. Advice Without Context

• Example: “You should start a business!” ignores personal circumstances like financial stability or risk appetite.

• Solution: Ask questions first: “What resources do you have? What’s your long-term goal?”

3. Bias-Driven Suggestions

• Example: “If I were you, I’d never take that risk.” This projects the giver’s fears rather than addressing the recipient’s situation.

• Solution: Replace directives with collaboration: “What’s your biggest concern about taking this step?”

How to Stop Being a Source of Unhelpful Advice

If you’ve realized you may occasionally fall into the trap of unhelpful advising, here are steps to course-correct:

1. Ask Before Advising

• “What kind of input would be most helpful to you?” This ensures your advice aligns with their needs.

2. Turn Directives into Questions

• Replace “You need to do this” with “What approaches have you considered?”

3. Focus on Empowerment, Not Control

• Your goal isn’t to solve every problem but to help others develop the skills to solve their own.

4. Check for Fit

• Ask, “Does this suggestion work for you? If not, how can we adapt it?”

Your Moment of Introspection

Ask yourself:

• Are you advising to help—or to impose your perspective?

• Do you leave room for others to learn, grow, and even fail?

• How might your leadership legacy improve if you empowered instead of directed?

Unhelpful advice is a habit we can all fall into, but by shifting our approach—like the chairman did—you can turn every interaction into an opportunity for growth, trust, and collaboration.

Your greatest legacy might not be the advice you give, but the leaders you empower to thrive without it.